Leadership Can Be Lonely - But It Doesn't Have To Be
By Adriene Russell
Posted April 9, 2025
Authenticity in leadership
Leadership isn’t always loud—it’s often quiet, weighty, and invisible to those you lead.
This reflection explores the reality of leadership loneliness, why it happens, and what you can do to lead well without carrying the burden alone.
If you've ever led with integrity and felt isolated in the process, this one's for you.
“If you’re out in front of the crowd, you’ll often find yourself alone.”
— John C. Maxwell
No one really talks about it, but if you’ve ever led anything—an organization, a team, a transformation—you’ve probably felt it.
The loneliness
Not the kind that comes from lack of people around you, but the kind that comes from carrying a weight others don’t see. The decisions you can’t fully explain. The values you won’t compromise on, even when they cost you. The sense that no one else quite understands the responsibility you feel when the future of others is on the line.
It’s part of leadership. But it doesn’t have to define your leadership.
The Cause: Leadership Requires Separation
There’s a natural distance that forms when you move into leadership. You’re no longer just a team member—you’re the one casting vision, making the call, navigating conflict, and standing in the gap when things go wrong.
I felt this shift firsthand.
For over 25 years, I worked as part of a dispersed team. Only three of us lived in the same town, so we started meeting for lunch once a quarter to build relationship. It was something I really looked forward to—relaxed conversation, shared stories, real connection.
But the moment I became a manager, everything changed. The atmosphere shifted. The conversation grew distant. They were polite, but guarded. Suddenly, I was the one carrying the conversation, and no matter how hard I tried to interact like I always had, it wasn’t the same. I hadn’t changed. But the dynamic had. And it would never go back to what it was.
That’s when I realized: leadership creates separation. Sometimes through perception, sometimes through responsibility—but always in some form.
The Need: Someone Who Speaks the Truth Kindly
The hardest part wasn’t the distance—it was the silence.
As a leader, you still need people you can bounce ideas off of, talk things through with, or just hear the truth from without a filter. But here’s what happens: people want to please the boss. They say what they think you want to hear—at least until they become confident enough in themselves to speak the truth kindly.
That in-between season—where you’re carrying weight but not getting real feedback—is one of the loneliest parts of leadership. And it’s why we need something more intentional.
The Solution: Find Your Inner Circle
Maxwell often advises leaders to “create a personal board of directors”—a small circle of trusted advisors who can speak truth, offer perspective, and encourage you when the weight of leadership gets heavy.
These aren’t just mentors or peers. They’re people you’ve invited into your leadership journey—people who know the real you, not just the role you play. They help you stay grounded. They remind you who you are when the pressure whispers otherwise.
You don’t need a crowd. You just need a circle.
Final Thought:
“One is too small a number to achieve greatness.”
— John C. Maxwell
If you’re feeling the weight of leadership right now, let this be your nudge: don’t carry it alone. Find your people. Build your circle. Give someone permission to speak into your leadership—not because you’re weak, but because you’re wise.
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